Blog for August 2025

Hi de hi campers! I’m very sorry but August just got up and rushed me off my feet. I had to go to Spain with my family for a few weeks of R&R so I have reissued the following blog of mine from 2020 for your consideration and enjoyment 

Greetings folks, it’s the end of August so time to see what Ted has to say this month. In fact it’s a belter, so put the kettle on and make a cup of tea, put your feet up and slip away into my world for a short while. 

And I know I’ve said it before but any old friends, please, please don’t be afraid to get in touch, I would love to hear from you (and I really don’t care what your spelling or grammar is like, I’m not that hot myself). 

Now, I need to confess that I was always moderately good at Science and Technology so it was never that difficult for me to keep up with latest developments, but sometimes, and more out of cussedness, I have buried my head in the sand. For instance “Twitter”. I think David Cameron actually had it right when he was overheard talking about “Twittering Twats”. 

Facebook has proved really useful to me in linking up with old friends, and in one very sad case I found a friend only to lose him again. Nonetheless, I was privileged to have made contact in that space of time rather than never having made contact again. 

However I digress, I was determined not to cough up for I Tunes. No way. Not me. But when they start making cars without CD players in them how am I supposed to play my Herb Alpert stuff? As it happens, I have found the whole I Tunes process quite straightforward and very easy to put a playlist of your favourites together. The only thing I would say is do it on your phone not your PC so you can play your stuff anywhere. 

So without further ado here is a small sample of my Playlist: Islands in the Stream, Agolo, Walking in Rhythm, Sweet home Alabama, Orinoco Flow Etc Etc. 

And now, for something completely different. When thinking about skills in the workplace, I believe it is really important to back up our core skills with transferable skills. 

A good example of an easily transferable skill is Project Management. If you can break down a task into a series of safe, efficient and achievable operations you can apply that to other disciplines. For example, a Building Services Project Engineer can usually take on any non-building related operation and put it into a realistic schedule. To do this he or she is aware that they will need to take advice from installers/suppliers and perhaps specialist contractors. Above all other traits they will realise that they need to talk to personnel, study existing processes and learn from past failures where possible. 

So, if you are a school-leaver or if you are in the early stages of your working life try to remember about the transferable skills. You may have landed that dream job of surfboard polisher but will it offer regular employment and a great wage for the next few decades? 

Even if you are lucky enough to be an electrician, we occasionally do come to periods where employment becomes more scarce. So it makes sense to check your employability from a prospective employer’s point of view. Make sure your core qualifications are up to date, and if your existing employer offers training, any training, go for it. It might be PASMA, First Aid, Asbestos, Health & Safety, anything, take it with open arms (and mind). BUT, make sure you keep a record of it, without that it means nothing. AND don’t wait until you need a job, put your CV and training record together NOW, so you know where to find it in a hurry. 

So, talking of project management, here’s a corker. Let me take you back to the Ashmoleum Museum, Oxford, New Year’s Eve 1999. If you are going to steal a painting this is the perfect time. In fact, lets get specific. Lets go for a Cezanne. 

Now I’m no art expert but that’s a name even I recognise. So we’ll zoom right in now. The painting we have set our sights on is Cezanne’s Auvers-sur-Oise, valued in the region of £3 million. To achieve our objective I could have put this into a Microsoft Project Management document, but as it is a tale of daring-do it deserves talking through.

So, back to New Year’s Eve 1999, just after midnight. We would be on the roof of the museum as there are building works taking place that involved the use of a ground to roof scaffolding in a quiet side entrance to the museum that easily facilitated your ascent. Some of the key equipment about your person is a small jemmy, scalpel, smoke bomb, small rope-ladder and hand-held battery operated fan. Its now gone midnight and fireworks are going off everywhere. Remember, it’s the Millennium. There are two security guards on duty. You don’t know if they are patrolling or sat watching a bank of video monitors. As it’s New Years Eve and the next one like this will be in a thousand years’ time, the guards may have decided to meet up for a quick snifter, who knows? 

Time has moved on as you patiently waited, it’s now 01:25 and time to move. You jemmy the open the skylight almost directly above your target. You secure the rope-ladder and toss in the smoke bomb. As you descend the ladder you active the hand-held fan to waft the smoke around even more. If the vibration sensor on the skylight hasn’t activated the intruder alarm, the passive infra-red sensor in the gallery should have picked up your heat signature, so the alarm should now be sounding. 

So let’s stop and consider: Its New Years Eve, Who’s going to break into a museum on New Years Eve? Its dark, there are fireworks and its noisy. BUT lets not forget Y2K, this was where it was predicted that all sorts of systems would crash and planes would fall out of the sky. 

So if you were watching on a video monitor and clouds of smoke suddenly appeared along with the intruder alarm sounding you could have easily assumed that the air conditioning plant and Building Management System (BMS) had crashed. So now, all the elements of perfect planning have come together.                                                                                              

What the planner has achieved is confusion. So, put all of the above factors into the mix and it takes you just a few moment to get to the painting, use the scalpel to cut it from the frame, roll it down your trouser leg and climb back up the rope-ladder. You clamber carefully back down the scaffold, take a deep breath and walk slowly down St John’s street towards Wellington Square. You then walk through to your rented house in Jericho. Wait a few days until the excitement dies down and then drive back home, wherever that is (Note 1). 

You now have (in theory) 3 Million quid in your pocket. Now you must admit, this is a curious and compelling tale. I have only embellished a little bit where details were not available. But as somebody who has spent a large part of his working life in the security industry it appeals to my interest. 

With regard to details, in researching this incident I found the “Oxford Mail” next to useless. I think they have decided their future lies with appeasing academics and eco-nerks. The most exciting story you’ll find in there will be about the new cycle lane installed outside the “pop-up multi-ethnic shop”. 

You won’t find any investigative journalism in this paper. So where did I find a good source of information for this crime? The New York Times! What a sad state we are in.  

But I can’t close this story without a few personal comments as follow: 

• Whoever planned this operation was a professional. It almost feels like a military operation. It certainly reveals an excellent Project Planner. I would add that from my knowledge of the security industry there are few other aspects that needed to be overcome for success and I am going to keep those cards close to my chest for the moment.
• The key sub-component of confusion is often the common theme to a good heist or raid. Say no more.
• All great inventions are simple., as was this plan.
• But, (and as they say, it is a big but) Why? Where can you sell this painting? You can’t go to Sotheby’s or Christies for a public auction. It’s been estimated that it’s black market value would be about £20K. Still a good profit for one night’s work, but not enough for me to risk a few years at Her Majesty’s pleasure.
• Its not even a nice painting (perhaps that’s just me though).
• It wasn’t me. I was at a Millenium party at West Oxford where I have plenty of witnesses to confirm I was there the whole time. Well at least most of it.
• It can’t have been a dry-run for a similar operation because this plan relied heavily on the Y2K aspect.
• The idea of a “Raffles” type “Gentleman-thief” has endured through the years but is not very often accurate. Most crooks who engage in this type of activity are violent opportunistic characters who rely on blackmail, bribery and kidnapping to gain access to vaults and strong-rooms etc. And the image of the painting changing hands on a yacht in Monte Carlo for a suitcase full of diamonds is very appealing but not very realistic.
• I get the feeling there is more drama than reality about this incident. I did from the first moment I heard about it and I remain with the same feeling. The police have said they believe it was stolen to order and was probably out of the country within 24 hours. That’s a nice idea from the police point of view – it shifts the problem off their patch. I’m not so sure.
• So, to the bigger mystery: Was it stolen to prove a point? Was it some old villain’s swan-song (one last job)? Was it a threat or a job application (look what I can do)? Or more interestingly, was it a student prank??
• I wouldn’t be surprised if the painting is still in Oxford. Stashed inside the frame of another painting in the Junior Common Room of some much respected College.

It just goes to show that sometimes you don’t know what cards the other feller is holding, or how he’s going to play them. If I ever get it together, I intend this incident to form a small part of novel involving another heist. Would you be interested? 

Finally, as you get to know me, I am letting my guard down a little bit more. You may have never guessed, but I am a life-long fan of the Lone Ranger. 

So Hi-Ho Silver, Away!